You’re Not Failing—Your Nervous System Is Overloaded
In EMDR therapy, we often talk about the window of tolerance — the space where your nervous system can stay regulated, connected, and present, even when life feels stressful or hard.
But when you’ve been living under chronic stress or unresolved trauma — or just constantly managing everything for everyone — that window can get narrow.
Suddenly, what used to feel manageable now sends you into overwhelm, irritability, or complete shut down.
That’s not failure. That’s your nervous system protecting you.
The Freeze Response Is Not Weakness — It’s Survival
In the wild, when an animal knows it can’t outrun a predator, it goes still.
That’s the freeze response.
The heart rate drops. Muscles lock. The animal’s body prepares to survive the attack — and in some cases, to not feel pain if it doesn’t.
It’s not a choice. It’s biology.
And when that animal escapes — say, the lion gets distracted or the danger passes — you’ll often see it shake violently.
That shaking is the body’s way of discharging the survival energy. It’s how the nervous system completes the stress cycle and resets itself.
(Guess what: you can do it too. I talk more about “the shakes” as a coping skill below in the blog.)
🧡 “Freeze is not giving up. It’s what your nervous system does when fight or flight aren’t options anymore.”
Now imagine you’re that animal — but instead of a lion, it’s constant stimulation, parenting stress, emotional labor, trauma, work demands, and no real space to recover.
And instead of running or freezing once, your system is cycling through it every day.
You’re not overreacting. You’re overloaded.
Signs Your Window of Tolerance Is Maxed Out
This might look like:
Snapping at people you love (then feeling guilty)
Numbness or disconnection from things you used to enjoy
Difficulty focusing or remembering simple things
A feeling of being “stuck” or paralyzed — can’t start, can’t stop
Sensory overload from sounds, lights, or touch
Exhaustion that rest doesn’t seem to fix
These aren’t character flaws.
They’re nervous system signals — signs your system needs support, not more pressure.
You Can’t Think Your Way Out of Overwhelm
This is one of the hardest parts for high-functioning women:
You’re smart. You’ve figured out a million other things in your life.
So why can’t you just “get it together”?
Because this isn’t about logic.
It’s about your body’s implicit memory system — the part of your brain that stores sensory and emotional responses to threat, often without words or awareness.
In EMDR therapy, we work with this system directly. We don’t just talk about stress — we help the brain and body reprocess it so it doesn’t keep hijacking your sense of safety.
But if EMDR isn’t where you want to start, that’s okay too.
Talk therapy can also help widen your window of tolerance by giving you a safe, consistent space to understand your patterns, reflect on your experiences, and begin to gently reconnect with yourself.
There’s no one right way to heal.
Whether you’re ready for deeper trauma work or just need someone to hold space while you make sense of your overwhelm — support is available.
Regulating Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
You don’t need a perfect morning routine or an expensive wellness plan to start healing.
You need small, consistent ways to remind your body that you’re safe.
That the threat is over. That it’s okay to settle.
Here are a few that can help you return to your window of tolerance.
Micro-Resets for a Flooded Nervous System
Shake it off (literally)
Remember the animal escaping the lion?
Do what it does. Stand up and shake your arms, your hands, your legs. Let your whole body tremble. It may feel silly, but it works — it discharges stored stress and helps you come back to baseline.
Cold water reset
Splash your face or run cold water over your wrists and neck. It signals your vagus nerve (your body’s calm-down switch) that the threat has passed.
Ground with your senses (5-4-3-2-1)
Name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. This pulls your brain into the here-and-now when it’s stuck in survival mode.
Box breathing (4-4-4-4)
Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Do this for 1–2 minutes.
(Use your Apple Watch or a free breathing app to help.)
Say it out loud
“I’m safe.”
“I’m overwhelmed, but I’m not in danger.”
“This is a moment — not forever.”
💬 “You don’t need to try harder. You need to feel safer.”
You’re Not Failing. Your Body Is Asking for Relief.
If your nervous system is overloaded, it’s not because you’re doing life wrong.
It’s because life has been asking too much of you for too long without enough space to recover.
Whether you’re a mom, a trauma survivor, a high-functioning woman who feels like she’s quietly falling apart —
you don’t have to keep pushing through.
There is a way back into your body. Into calm. Into a life that doesn’t feel so heavy all the time.
And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Related Posts:
About the Author
I’m Victoria Rutsch, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) based in Walnut Creek, California, and a mom who knows firsthand how heavy life can feel when you’re carrying too much.
I specialize in supporting women through the complex seasons of life — whether that’s pregnancy, postpartum, major life transitions, healing from past trauma, or simply realizing that the life you built no longer fits who you are. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
I offer in-person and virtual therapy across California, including EMDR therapy and EMDR intensives for deeper, focused healing. I’m certified in Perinatal Mental Health (PMH-C), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) — but most importantly, I believe healing starts with being seen, heard, and supported exactly where you are.
