Mother’s Day Is Complicated: Holding Space for Grief, Joy, and Everything in Between
For some moms, Mother’s Day feels like brunch, flowers, and handmade cards.
For others, it’s a gut punch.
Maybe you’ve lost your own mom.
Maybe you’ve experienced infertility, miscarriage, or a traumatic birth.
Maybe you’re in the thick of postpartum exhaustion, and no one even remembers to say thank you.
Or maybe you’re a mom… but not the kind of mom you imagined you’d be.
If that’s you, I just want to say this:
You are not alone, and you are not broken for feeling complicated things about Mother’s Day.
The Myth of the “Perfect” Mother’s Day
Hallmark got it wrong. Most real-life moms I work with feel a mix of emotions on this day—relief, resentment, grief, love, disappointment, gratitude… sometimes all at once.
Some wish their partners would do more.
Some wish their kids were still little.
Some are drowning in guilt or overwhelm and don’t feel like they “deserve” to be celebrated.
This day has a way of shining a spotlight on whatever hurts.
When Motherhood Is Tied to Trauma
For many of the women I work with, Mother’s Day brings up trauma:
A birth that didn’t go as planned
A NICU stay that still lives in their body
Postpartum anxiety that no one noticed
A complicated relationship with their own mother
Or the quiet ache of wanting to become a mother but not being able to
Even if your kids are thriving and your life looks “good on paper,” your nervous system might still be holding on to unresolved pain. That pain deserves care—not comparison.
How to Take Care of Yourself This Mother’s Day
You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to perform. And you certainly don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.
Here are a few therapist-informed ways to tend to your emotional needs this Mother’s Day:
1. Name what’s coming up—with compassion.
Start by noticing the emotions beneath the surface. Try saying:
“I feel invisible.”
“I miss my mom.”
“I wish someone would care for me the way I care for everyone else.”
Then ask yourself:
👉 “What does this part of me need right now?”
👉 “Can I offer myself the thing I’m longing for, even in a small way?”
If you feel invisible, you might light a candle and say out loud: “I see you. You’re doing so much. You matter.”
If you feel unappreciated, write a letter to yourself from the version of you that knows your worth—or from your child, imagining the gratitude they’ll have one day.
The goal isn’t to fix the feeling. It’s to create space for it, meet it with gentleness, and stay connected to yourself in the process.
2. Create a “calm container.”
This could be a literal box of comforting items—lavender lotion, a grounding stone, tea, a photo that brings peace. Or it might be a boundary, like choosing not to attend an event that feels emotionally depleting. Give yourself permission to protect your energy.
3. Let yourself feel without fixing.
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Let the sadness, anger, or resentment come without trying to make it go away. You might cry, journal, or just sit quietly with your hand on your heart. This is emotional processing—not weakness.
4. Choose a nervous system reset.
Try a walk with no destination. Sit in the sun with your eyes closed for five minutes. Do a few minutes of shaking or stretching (yes, like an animal releasing a freeze response). These small acts can help regulate your body when emotions feel stuck.
5. Rewrite the day’s meaning.
Instead of waiting for someone else to celebrate you, create a plan that honors the version of motherhood you’re actually living. That might look like:
Visiting a garden alone
Booking yourself a therapy session next week
Buying a small gift and wrapping it for yourself with love
Doing absolutely nothing, on purpose
It’s Okay if You’re Not Okay
Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be fixed or figured out.
You don’t owe anyone a picture-perfect post.
You don’t have to be grateful every second of the day.
You can love your kids and still feel heavy inside.
Sometimes what we need most is permission to be honest.
Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Motherhood on Your Own Terms
If this season is stirring up old wounds or current overwhelm, therapy can help you make sense of it all.
I specialize in maternal mental health, including postpartum support, birth trauma, and the complicated identity shifts that come with motherhood. Whether through talk therapy, EMDR, or a deeper dive with an intensive, we can create space for your whole experience—without judgment.
👉 Learn more about therapy for moms here
👉 Reach out here if you’d like support
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